I am the richest of the richest ...

This week was a busy one. It was work, home, G & M, work and home again.One evening, we had gone out to re-stock M's fruit supply.(M loves fruits which tastes sour :) ). Reached safeway, and saw a street singer performing.Isn't it a little too late for a song?, I thought. It was kind of dark. There was no one listening to him. He was all alone, playing his guitar and humming along.

May be, he was in dire necessity. G & M walked towards him to listen to his song. I walked towards Safeway, thinking I can finish off with my bit, real quick.I did catch a glimpse of the singer as I walked past him. An ordinary man, in his early 40's. Faded jeans and shirt and a cap, partially covering his head. One thing which struck me was his face, he looked so contended, serene, and as though he had no worries. I wondered. How can he be so happy? Doesn't he have any dreams, dreams of a better tomorrow? I guess ,he like his todays better. Thought, I will talk to G about him, later. G and I often have discussions about success in life. Most times,I end up feeling I am greedy to think, I need more, more of everything, money, fame, name etc. G has an absolutely different view of it, he is of the "Reach for the stars.." genre. I have had these discussions with Achan too. Achan's view is somewhat that of mine, he has a different angle to it though. He reminds me to never forget the past, when we race forward, whether we win the race or fail it. I wonder what the street singer's view is?

I reached the fruits aisle. Picked up M's raspberries and black berries. G&M walked in and G mentioned to me street singer's comments about M: "You have a fine man here!!". I smiled...

Having said all this, I must open up here. These days , I have become wary about riches and money. I was never like that. These days, I feel why don't I get things easy, why don't I make money the easy way? I feel, I always have to work real hard to get things and I feel, I never was lucky. I know , many of you will disagree to what I said.Yeah, I think you are correct. I am indeed lucky and..about riches.., wait a minute, an inner voice stopped me, think about all the loved ones you have, all your near and dear ones.There is nothing in comparison to their love. Yes,I am the richest of the richest...

Loss of an acquaintance

It is a cloudy day today. A relief from the scorching heat of the past few weeks. G and M are taking their afternoon nap. Planted a soft kiss on M's forehead, tucked him in, and here I am sitting down to pen something down.

The current neighbourhood we are in is a placid one. All I can hear now, is the rhythmic sound of our cuckoo clock. I am gazing at the needles of the clock. It is relentlessly moving. Slowly, one day, it will come to a stop. Life is like that too.

Brings to my mind, the smiling face of Wilson, my co-worker. He lost his battle to cancer last week. I was not a close friend of Wilson. I used to bump into him many times in the corridor and used to pass on casual greetings. He was an excellent engineer as per many of his team mates. I came to know of his demise last week from an official email send out to employees. He was a very young chap, in his late 20's. ( By the way, my perception of age has changed drastically in the past year. Late 20's, now, is very young for me.Signs of aging, huh?) I was dismayed when I read the mail. A numb feeling crept through my body..sat there for a while, blinking at the monitor.Why God??Why??, for a moment I thought. Gathered myself up after a while, self-comforting that HE knows what is best, after all, HE is the only one who knows the big picture. The official mail mentioned that his younger brother(Paul) was working in our office and about a condolence card kept in Wilson's old cube for whomever wanted to sign. I knew Paul well, noted to myself that I should write a mail to Paul later.Walked down the stairs,to 4Th floor, to Wilson's cube. I saw a notebook left open, a half drunk coffee cup and screen saver on the monitor. Gazed at the screen saver once more, the picture was of a setting sun. It had an unusual melancholic strain to it.Was it my feeling...Or, did he know that his sun rises were numbered... My dear friend, are you watching me from high above with a gleeful smile...

Did not feel like jotting down anything on the card, not sure why.
Headed straight back to my cube, wrote a condolence mail to Paul..Yes, I must move on now...

That made my day...

US-101 was slow today too. (Oh Well, what do you expect in bay area?) This is when my thoughts start pouring in. I drive mechanically on 101. Has got used to it so much now. Still remember my early days of driving. Used to be damn scared, would never take my hands off the steering, even to scratch my nose. Used to feel absolutely relieved to take the freeway exit..

Is this the same me? I am surprised myself. Well, that's life I believe. This is my private time, it is absolutely mine, the only time I get for myself in a 24 hour day. No complaints about lack of time, I like it this way.

Today was a moody day. My heart had that, unknown heaviness. I think it is mainly due to work. Lately, things have not been that great at work. I am the kind who is usually enthusiastic and would not want things pending on my plate. These days I have kind of lost the motivation. May be it is a mid life crisis. Hmm... that makes me feel even more worse, because I feel too old. I feel kind of lost, not sure where I am heading to or where I want to head to in career perspective. May be , I will soon figure out. G (my hubby) tells me it is because I lack "can do will do " attitude. I have to work on it. I don't want to ponder over it at the moment, let me think of something to cheer up my exhausted mind.

That makes me think about that naughty, cute smile. Yes, M's smile will cheer me up for sure. M is my 22 month old son. This morning he woke up with a slight cough. Last night too he coughed once or twice in his sleep. I have become paranoid about his cough, as I have heard horrendous stories of cough worsening in toddlers and leading to more serious illness from many of my friends. Also M seems to be getting these coughs quite a bit, lately. So the concerned mom in me (G calls it 'paranoid mom') woke up and I was talking about his cough to G. M was listening to all these, and (you bet, I must have sounded worried) tells me, "Mama, I am OK". I am not sure, I can express how I felt at that moment. I was so full of love, happiness, and what not. Tears came rushing to my eyes. What else do I need to cheer me up than this precious one which God has given us? That made my day..