Janmashtami and Parippu Pradhaman

It is Janmashtami today, birthday of Lord Krishna. My childhood memories of Janmashtami is the pageant shown on TV on that day, with young kids dressed up as "Unnikrishnan" and his many lovely gopikas. Today, for the very first time, I made something special for Janmashtami, parippu pradhaman, also my very first parippu pradhaman ( Have never ever ventured at sharkkara payasamas, as I am not usually good at it). G told me that it came out well. I guess he does like it, as he had a second helping . Also, after having lived all these years with him, one thing I have become an expert at, is to make out from his face when he enjoys a dish and when he does not, latter being the norm at our household usually :)

I got inspired by the kadala parippu pradhaman made by my friend's mom, the other day for Onam. It was "yummilicious" as M says. Also the fact that it is a three day weekend gives me some breathing room to indulge.

I have come to realize that, such things give me a lot of pleasure and satisfaction. Deep down inside me, somewhere, I am like my mom, a typical malayali housewife, although I pretend(?) to be "that career-oriented mom".
 

M's school started two weeks back and this is the first long weekend. We have no plans. "Stay home and take it easy" is the motto for my weekend. One of my favorite past times is to surf through music. I seldom do it,though. Today, as I am keying in this, I am listening to some of them.Songs make you nostalgic, makes you realize, memories are precious and probably, are the only ones which are eternal.

This makes me sail back to my child hood memories. In most malayalee households, we very often say, "ente krishna" or "ente guruvayoorappa" which translates to "My dear Krishna/Guruvayoorappa"."Krishna" referred to here of course is "Lord Krishna". We malayalis, take personal pride that "Krishna" somehow is our own, and oh we are so sure,he is from somewhere near Thrissur (Courtesy Guruvayoor temple). Anyway, I grew up in a house hold, where we would use the catch phrase (mentioned above) every now and then. From the tone, we can make out the emotion with which it is uttered.I, as a child, was fascinated by Krishna's stories and was in awe of Krishna. I adapted to the catch phrase easily and Krishna became my favorite God. I used to believe that Lord Krishna had a special affiliation for me (I am sure, every child in Kerala probably believes that) and to my marvel, all my childhood prayers("Please God, let it not rain today","Please God, I should ace the test and win this years proficiency award", "Please God, it should not hurt, when my teeth gets pulled out today", "Please God, my mom should not find out that I faked head bath today") were answered dutifully by Lord Krishna. So my belief that, Lord Krisha indeed had a great concern for me were true. As I grew older, not all of my wishes were granted. I attributed that to my innocence being lost and some of the wishes were unreasonable too :)

Lately, I watched this movie (forgot the name, I think it is Bruce almighty), where Morgan Freeman plays the role of God. In the movie, Mr Freeman is so busy as he has millions of prayers from we mortals to attend to. I liked that idea and took it to heart( Don't take me wrong, I am not crazy, at least not yet..). When things do not work for me, I assumed that God was busy or HE had  far more important things to attend to, like when I did not make it through the interview the other time. Also, I think, I started being slightly more considerate in  demanding things from him. HE has millions of far more important  things to attend to.( But trust me, sometimes I do break the rule and be greedy and just keep on asking unreasonably..)

We all change with time. I have changed quite a bit with time. Questionable, whether the change was for good or bad.Our beliefs change, our lives change, but memories do remain. always..They are eternal. Thank you lord for everything and here is wishing YOU a very happy birthday!!. Happy Janmashtami!!

M wants me to blog and so..

It has been real long since I wrote anything, I mean anything meaningful.. I did do a lot of writing though..code, grocery list, my to do list..yeah I am old fashioned, I still write down my task list for the day at work, and do not note it down in phone.. How boring am I...

Anyway, here goes the story of me writing this. M was all mushy mushy ( to be honest, a little too mushy..) reading my earlier post about him.  May be I should take my previous line out before I post this as I know how M would react to it. In his words, I so totally know it.. So, he wanted me to write more blogs and more about him. He told me that I am the best mom he could ever have(well, those statements last only for a short time before we fight again, where our argument starts with "you are annoying" and "No, you are.."). But I like to hear them, whether he means it or not.

So what do I write? Since it is about M, I have been stringently directed (by him of course) to not write things which embarrass him. Now, that is tough, because most things which I think are OK, embarrasses him. Don't  get me wrong, he is a great kid, a little too touchy. Wonder , he got that from whom ?

I am not sure whom M takes after. Sometimes I feel, M is like G , especially, when he consoles and pacifies me when I am upset, moody and crying.(Yeah, even after all these years, still find it hard to control tears even for very silly things..). And sometimes, with the sudden emotional outbursts and temper, I feel, oh dear, he is so like me.

I am so amazed and sometimes, worried at the pace with which the kids grow.Did achan and amma have the same worries when I was growing up? May be they did. But they did a great job with chettan and me, with the limited resources they had. ( I hope and pray, I do too..)

My thoughts are staggered, not able to focus.. M and friends playing 'Life' in the living room...G helping them out... My poori batter ready.. Need to fry poori before M's friends leave..

OK, got to stop now.. Kept my promise to M to write a blog about him... Not exactly sure, whether he would ask me again though, after reading this..

Another fall, another day, another year.. the cycle goes on..
I retreat back to my life, curled up in my treasure chest of memories..

Happy Sunday everyone..


 

Letter

To Dearest Madhus..

Note: Please read "I", as "we",  and "my" as "our" , in all places..

A letter from Mama and Dada..

Today you touched my heart so much, that I feel a sweet pain within me..

Today you rocked in the spring program, my dear son.. 
But what touched us most was this Madhus ..

You rushed to the table and in between the bustling 2^nd graders, you got cookies

and juice for us. You were having trouble holding it all, but you managed to bring it

to us passing through the crowd. That was such a sweet gesture , dear Madhus...

And ....
When we told it was too much and we did not want that much,
I could see a shadow on your face and you went to a corner and broke into tears..

Madhus, We are sorry, we did not mean to hurt you.

Madhus.. I was proud and sad at the same time..

Proud that you cared a lot for us,  and sad that we hurt your feelings..

We love you Madhus and we know you care a lot..

Thank you for the cookies and the juice boxes..

We are thankful to God for you and we pray to Him that you always stay the same.

May God shower all his blessings on you!!

I want to note this down in my blog.

Someday you will read it to and will feel proud of yourself.

And I am forwarding this to Dada, so he can add..

Love and Prayers

Mama and Dada

Merry Christmas 2010

All the leaves have fallen down…The air is chill… Winter is in full swing…We are all cuddled up inside the house. G and M have come down with a fever. Not too bad(Thank God!), they are getting better.

I love the smell coming out of my kitchen. Yes, I am baking cakes. I think, I am getting better at it.  This is my 4th year in making the traditional fruit cake right from the scratch. I love the look on G’s face when he sees the cake fresh out of the oven. Except for the sick part, it was/is a pretty good week. As G says, “We are enjoying the simple pleasures of life,  kutta” to M and M asks “ What is it, Dada?”. To which he answers,  “Eating Puttu and kadala which mama made for breakfast”. I  felt happy. Yes, these indeed are the simple pleasures of my life , to see the smile on G and M’s face, to laugh hysterically at the silly jokes from M, to pretend that I am upset when G and M teases me, to act silly in front of them , to dance like crazy with M when music is on and so goes the list.

Like every other year, we gave goody bags to our neighbors. I love doing that. This year, M was my big helper in packing the bags . Oh.. I forgot, he was the delivery man. He had his Santa hat on and he pretended to be a Santa and delivered all the goody bags. Thanks M. Since that task is done and  so is my baking, I am relaxed, planning to watch a movie tonight.

 

And I am borrowing this quote to wish you all..

“To a joyful present and a well remembered past. Best wishes for Happy holidays and a magnificent New Year”

A little bit of my life..

I haven't written in a while. There were several things which I could write and had mentally jotted down, but never made it here... I am uberbusy...

Highlights of the recent past..

• M has got used to the homework and new Kindergarten routine ..sigh..
• Our guitar lessons are progressing well..Didn't know that I liked rock music so far…Getting addicted to it...Moved on to scales..Thanks for all the encouragement, G.
• A dear friend is getting engaged.. She is more like a sister to me.. We fight, make up, and fight again..
• Had a nice thanksgiving break..Board games and more board games with G and M...
  That is about it..

Moving on to the recent…

Quoting Plautus  Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.

There was no wine...but there sure were sweet words and lots of love in the air. (Any guesses? It was my birthday...). Thank you  all for all the wishes and your love.

I must note this down for us(G and me) to read, may be several years from now..(Too much mushy stuff, eh ?) Anyway..here it goes. This is part of the conversation between me and my brother today.

Chettan(Brother):So, btw what was the gift from Grizel and Madhav. 
  
Me:...But, what touched me most were the words in the card which Griz  gave me (He is usually bad at expressive statements  or romance , right from the years of courtship back in college… )  which says “To my wife, soul mate and my best friend”.

Thank you G and M, it meant a lot to me.

Adios everybody..See you.

This and that...

We were talking. Going over day's happenings and suddenly he became (more) chatty. I think, I have struck the right note. I have been meaning to do so for a while ,but it never worked out. I knew, something was amiss. Whenever I tried, he glided away from me, unwilling to open up. Yeah, I must give him space, but a voice inside me kept telling, "Hey,I can help, only if you open up".

In the weekend, I noticed the obvious tension between them.(Well, I thought it was obvious, but, none took me serious although I mentioned it). Was a tad worried, but thought it is temporal.

Finally, yesterday, here he is, willing to open up. We talked and talked. Jeez, it is complex. It is about how A wants to play with B and C doesn't want to play with A and all that stuff, "pre-k drama" as my friend aptly named it. Yes, I was talking about M. But, I did learn one thing, this is a very important and close-to-heart matter for him. In his small world, this is of utmost important to him. When he told me, "He hurt my feelings by doing that." and leaned back in the chair, I knew it was genuine to the core. I told M that I absolutely understand and I really do, for I am like that too. G delved deeper into his book. (covering up his smile) . Quite a few tears have been drained in my teen years over (silly) things like this :) . However, I never knew that I had to deal with these, this early :).

Anyway, I have promised M to fix things up ... and I hope I will..

Before the Magnolia blooms again...

Life has been going on..I have not keyed in anything for a while. Now, keying this in, inspired by a dear friend of mine(Thank you, if you are reading this).

New year has arrived, oh well, can't say it is new anymore. It has been ups and downs, more downs. Down is a relative term though. So I should restate, I have been not up to the energy/happiness levels, I would like to see myself in. But then they say, man proposes and God disposes.Work has been hectic, chores has been piling up both at work and at personal level. I don't quite feel like me. Hope it is a phase, like I would always console myself when M goes through a problematic phase.

I think, my main frustration comes from the fact that, I have not been in control of my life lately and the control freak in me drives me nuts. Hmm..enough with brooding..

Last weekend was especially nice after a real long time.The previous week, I was at work till late night, returning back to complains from M that "Mama, you are late.You have to tell your manager that you need to take care of me". I nodded with a tired smile, did not even have the strength to reason with him. Pangs of guilt struck me even more..

All of these makes my last weekend extra special. We took M to Chabbot Space Center where they screened a movie "Dinosaurs alive" on Imax. M was truly captivated, being an ardent dinosaur fan. Coming back, G and M made fun of me at my ignorance about dinosaurs. (True, I get confused with the names of all the plant eaters and meat eaters). Some times, I made mistakes purposely, so that M could laugh. M liked it I guess, as the next day, he told me ,
"Mama , let us have laughter time like yesterday". It was a real nice , relaxed weekend.One of the best I had, in a long while.

I hope to be more regular in my postings. No promises, afraid, I may break them.
I will be back with another posting.. before the Magnolia in our backyard blooms ..again..